So, I realize that the world is changing. And there are a growing number of parents these days who see no problem meeting their children's boyfriends and girlfriends. But I still live in a delicate environment where I must tread carefully, which means there are others like me out there. I recently started seeing this amazing young man, but I'm not ready yet to marry him. I need years to know someone before committing to a lifelong relationship with them. But now, the problem is that I live a mere few miles from my parents. My mom loves to visit, sometimes without warning. She's been off the rails lately, convinced I was hiding something. So I told them. I couldn't hide it anymore. I had to introduce my boyfriend to my parents for the first time.
The First Meet
I'm a chicken. My parents scare the living crap out of me, especially when I've done something wrong. Dating, to most people, is like everyday life. But to me, it's unchartered grounds. The first time my mom visited me unannounced, she noticed male shoes outside my door. She refused to come in, even after I pleaded with her. So, plan A out is out the window.
Surprise, Surprise
Next up is to catch them by surprise. I've been seeing my guy for a while now, and we've decided to move in together. I plan to invite my parents to dinner, sneak in that I live elsewhere now, and direct them to my new house. My boyfriend will be waiting for us in the living room for me to serve my parents a feast.
If your parents are like mine, you'll understand perfectly why that was a bad plan. The worst.
The boys are supposed to request to meet my parents first. So they can answer questions about their income and faith.
And oh, it's not just my parents. They meet with my uncles too. The committee that takes my dowry.
In short, boyfriends don't exist. Potential husbands do. But I don't want that kind of pressure on my man. We've only just started dating, for Christ's sake. Still, I had to try.
I previously said I am a chicken. I don't even get worked if somebody calls me that. I own it. So, I used the most appropriate method a chicken would. Send an invite via the family group chat.
Hell Broken Loose
In no time, my parents fired back with advice, scriptures, and disappointment in that exact order. I read every word keenly and responded with my opinion even though my previous message/invite had broken down my thoughts as clearly as day.
I said I was happy to host them whenever they would like. They said they could never enter a house they didn't witness being officiated and legalized. I was in an unknown marriage. Stolen. How could they support something like that?
The Aftermath
For now, I have decided to leave my family group chat. At least for now, things can cool down a bit. I have not received any phone calls from my parents (or brother.) My aunt has called, though. I didn't pick up.
All I'm saying is to tread carefully. To assess how much you're willing to lose. Yes, even if it's with your parents. An estranged family is a common thing. Perhaps, too common?
Watch this space for new updates on how to introduce boyfriends to African parents. Also, feel free to check out our “Hidden Treasures in Nakuru: Come Along for the Ride!” article, and let us know of any questions or concerns. Always here to help!