No matter how much we try to forget, you tend to always remember the one time you agreed to have sex with someone, yet felt awful immediately after. Just like in the real world, sex can be used to take advantage of you. It can be confusing to have to decide within those spare seconds whether to go through with sex. I have a few thoughts I'd like to share on the subject. Bare with me as they're a little all over the place. Here goes.
Sure, I Hate it. But for You, I Shall Try
Consent is a tricky word. You can say yes, I love cheeseburgers. Halfway into eating the cheeseburger, you decide that you hate it. So you spit it out of your mouth and say that's disgusting.
But say it's your prospective boyfriend or girlfriend that has made the cheeseburger for you. Or just someone you're about to have sex with. Will you tell them I don't want to eat your cheeseburger anymore? It's disgusting.
Maybe you will. Maybe you won't. Hell, you probably hate cheeseburgers but decided to eat it anyway.
When Saying No Will Be Easy, Be Accepted
Saying no to anyone is hard. Saying no to your boyfriend or girlfriend is harder. We can agree to disagree, of course.
Razzle Dazzle
Sometimes, we do tend to center those brief few minutes of sex around that one person. We do tend to adore that one person, even for a second longer - that's all it takes for them to have sex with you.
The Meaning of Consent
Consent is giving a firm no or yes. That's the general idea. Some folks like to define it further by saying, hey, if your girlfriend or boyfriend even does or says anything to suggest that they do not want to have sex with you anymore, stop. Immediately.
It's Human to Want to Overcompensate for Things We Have Absolutely No Fault Over
In public spaces. In conversation. Someone will be queasy. Someone will shift on their seat. Someone will look at their watch over and over again, while you're busy opening up to them about something close to your heart.
Someone will stand up and walk away. And you will feel bad. And days or weeks after, you will look for them and tell them you're sorry. And ask them what you can do to make them feel better. Or not.
Having Sex to Accommodate the Other Person Can Feel Like Rape with Consent. And That's Okay.
It's tricky. Often, we want to accommodate others when we're out in the open. So how direr can it be when we're behind closed doors?
When it comes to intimacy, when you're in fact naked, is it not easier to want to do things, even beyond accommodating the other person, and call it consent?
But as soon as you get home, as soon as you put your head on your pillow and shut your eyes, tears will come streaming down your face because you know what happened to you, but cannot say it happened to you because you allowed it to happen to you and that's on you.
Today's article is a little much to process, so I'll leave you be to, well, process. But do revert back to me with your thoughts on consensual sex and any blurred lines you can think of. I'd love to know!