First of all, I am sorry for what has happened to you. Please know that none of it is your fault. So don't blame yourself. And know that you will move on from this. You will heal and soon start to feel like your old self again.
If you have just been raped, there are a few things you need to do that people don't always tell you about. Because no one sees this coming, and no one wants to talk about these things. But we will talk about them here, so stay tuned.
1. Don't shower
After the fact, it's crucial not to shower. I know it's the first thing you want to do, but please don't.
2. Go to a nearby hospital
Going to a nearby hospital is a bit much. But please, treat this with very high importance.
All you need to do is find a nearby hospital, walk up to the reception, ask to see a doctor and tell them that you have been raped.
Please try to find a reputable hospital. If Nairobi Women's is close by, you can go there for help.
The doctors will understand right away and help you with the next steps. Usually, they will perform a checkup on you to collect evidence of rape, like sperm around your vagina. If the person you raped ejaculated anywhere on your clothes, please let the doctor know, and they will also collect a sample of it.
3. Find a safe place you can go to shower and rest. A place you feel safe.
I know. You're angry. You want that person to pay for what he has done. But you need to take care of yourself first. You need a safe place to rest, shower, eat, and do something that restores normalcy. That makes you feel calm. Safe.
If you need to speak to someone, you can call a friend. But be careful about calling someone who will be forced to take sides. You cannot reach a mutual friend who knows the person who raped you. You don't know what they might say. No. Call someone who will be unbiased. Who will put everything aside to be there for you during this challenging time?
Don't worry if you don't have someone you can trust. Instead, you can reach out to a counselor or a therapist. Find someone who will be a support system for you.
4. Write down everything you can remember about the rape
Once you have calmed down, find a piece of paper to write down everything you remember about the rape. Don't worry if you don't know everything. Simply write all you remember.
Suppose you have text messages, calls, photos, videos, and any media about what happened before, during, and after. Collect all of these and place them in a folder. Again, don't worry if you don't have enough media or don't record everything
5. File a legal case
If you know a lawyer or someone with experience with this, contact them to help you file a legal case.
It's okay if you don't want to file a legal case. However, you must file a legal claim so the law can take its course. If a rapist feels they can get away with it, they will likely do it again. However, if you feel pressured, then don't. Your safety and well-being come first above everything else.
Now, most times, the legal system will let you down. Too many times, victims of rape or sexual assault have been made to feel like what happened to them is their fault. People will judge you. People will call you names that you're lying. But you know your truth. So don't listen to them. Surround yourself with people who support you. And cut off anyone who feels like lousy energy. For now, for this moment, you will need all the strength you can get.
6. Compile evidence
Go back to the media you collected. Have your lawyer go through the memories you wrote down. If you remember anything more, write it down.
But even with all these things, you may need more evidence. This is a little tricky, but it has worked for me before. See, rapists often speak the same language. They can't help to disrespect people and absolve themselves of any wrongdoing. They simply do not see anything wrong or choose to close their eyes to it.
But in all the denials, rapists will always help your case. Any human being will see past their lies. So, for future conversations with the person or persons involved, record their every word. Record all your conversations and add them to your evidence. Ask for advice from your lawyer and work with them to get justice.
7. Heal
Whichever way the legal case goes, remember that you also need to focus on healing. Rape is an intrusive assault that can mess up one's mind and emotions. Seeing a therapist, however, our culture makes it seem, is not weak. It's strong. It's brave recognizing that you've gone through something terrible and are accepting help to heal and walk away from it whole.
Sharing our experiences makes us stronger. It makes us a society that supports each other through every hurdle that comes our way. Feel free to check out our “Family Planning Made Easier: Birth Control Methods & Stereotypes” article, and let us know any questions!