If you use morning-after pills or the pull-out method, it's time to consider something more dependable. I've never had this conversation with my parents, teachers, friends, or anyone. It took actual self-drive to research family planning methods and speak to a doctor about the safest ones I could use.
What is Family Planning?
To clear the air, family planning is a blanket term for having sex without getting pregnant or until the time comes when you're ready to have children. Because of our culture, you hardly find these conversations freely spoken about. I assume when you get married is when people start talking to you about these things because, "obviously," you're having sex with your partner, and "obviously," you have some sort of plan for having children.
But let's be real. People begin to have sex long before marriage. Teenage pregnancies aren't anything new. Morning-after pills sell like crazy for KES 200 or less. And yes, women do opt to abort. Sometimes, as many times as five or six.
It's so sad how our elders choose to avoid this subject. It's ignorant. To think that hormonal kids, from as early as class six, won't go experimenting. It's not enough to say this is bad. To say, you'll go to hell if you do this. Boys ejaculate from as early as primary school. As long as they ejaculate, girls can get pregnant. And when they do, they'll hesitate to come to you for help. They'll seek answers elsewhere, the places you don't wish them to be. And no, it's not their fault. It's your fault, the parent. The one that told them attraction is bad without telling them why something happening biologically within their body is bad. This culture is killing us. It's destroying us. How can you not see that?
Family Planning Methods
Rants aside, how can you stay safe? If you're seeing someone and having sex with them, how can you protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or sexual infections?
For Men
1. Male condoms
Men can only use condoms for now. There are rumors about men's family planning pills, but there are a lot of stereotypes around them, so it might take a while for them to catch on.
The good news is condoms are the safest bet to be safe. They prevent pregnancy and sexual infections to the highest accuracy out there. So long as the condom isn't damaged, or it doesn't break during sex, which does happen on rare occasions, you're safe from impregnating or getting infected.
But, if you have oral sex, the male condom won't protect you from sexual infections.
For Women
Starting with sexual infections, the male condom is the best way to go, provided it's not damaged or doesn't break during sex. It's unpopular for women to buy condoms. But sometimes, a man will forget to get one, and during sex, people rarely stop themselves from moving forward. So, please carry a packet of male condoms wherever you go. If the man doesn't want to use the condom, don't engage in sex with him if you don't want to.
If you want to stop using condoms, get tested for HIV/AIDS and sexual infections first. Then, speak to a doctor about a family planning option you can use.
Most family planning options are for women. But that doesn't mean the man you plan to sleep with can't tag along for the doctor's visit. Also, feel free to probe your doctor about all of the options available to you.
1. IUD (Coil)
The IUD is a T-shaped plastic or copper device people often refer to as a coil. It's inserted through your vagina and fitted within your uterus. You can use an IUD for up to ten years.
There are two types: hormonal and non-hormonal.
The non-hormonal one is effective so far. Its accuracy rate is above 90%, and I went for at least two checkups to confirm it's still in the right place.
Please speak to a doctor and ask them all the questions you have in mind. You can even write them down beforehand so you remember.
2. Birth control implant
The birth control implant is a straight device inserted in your arm's side. It's often the hormonal type. Once inserted, the implant releases a hormone that prevents pregnancy, but please confirm this with your doctor.
3. Birth control pills
Birth control pills are more common. They're usually normal tablets you must take every day at a specific time. The time is important because if you miss it or take the pill earlier or later, you may risk getting pregnant.
There are other family planning methods you should ask your doctor about. These three are the common ones, but there are more you can consider, including the female condom.
Now, all three don't protect you from sexual infections. Only a male condom can, and only when it involves direct penetration.
I am not a doctor, so please take the information I provide here as a starting point to learn more about family planning. It's better to prevent something before it has the chance to happen. And to do so in the healthiest way that works for you.
And then, of course, there's the permanent family planning method where a man has his sperm ducts tied up and the woman her fallopian tube tied off. I've heard about methods to reverse these processes, but I'm not quite sure how they work, so please speak to a doctor about these.
Myths & Misconceptions
I have to touch on myths and misconceptions because there are so many going around I can barely cover them all.
1. Family planning makes you infertile
Yes and no.
Some people enroll in a family planning method and then, once they decide to have children, have problems getting pregnant. As far as I know, hormonal family planning methods have this effect because your body can take a while to restore itself to normalcy.
However, it's not a permanent outcome. With time, your body restores itself, and you get pregnant. Or, it may take a little time too.
There's also the fact that age determines how fertile you are. Older women may experience issues getting pregnant. Ultimately, speak to a qualified doctor about these concerns to get actual information you can work with.
2. It's painful to get an IUD inserted into your vagina
Having experienced this myself, I'll say that yes! It's painful. Inserting anything into the vagina, especially when you're not aroused, is like forcing it ajar without compliance. I couldn't walk well for around thirty minutes after the procedure.
Also, the weeks after that will hurt too. Specifically, cramping.
If you experience cramping during your period, it may feel worse, especially when you choose the hormonal option.
3. An IUD makes you smell bad
There's a nasty discharge you may need to get used to.
However, after a few weeks, all the pain, and the discharge, it goes away. For the ten years I will be able to use the IUD, it was a bargain I was willing to take.
4. An IUD can move out of place
Yes.
After six months, you must go for a checkup to confirm that the IUD is in the right place. To do this, they have to insert the thing that stretches your vagina to have a look inside. It wasn't as painful as the first time but discomforting.
5. IUD check-ups are painful
There was a time when I felt a sharp pain during sex. I was sure my IUD had moved and quickly rushed to see the doctor. This time, I met a nice older woman who was very kind. She talked to me through the procedure, told me to calm down, and that it wasn't as painful as I might think it was. She started the procedure and left the room, presumably looking for a flashlight. The room had enough light, but maybe she needed a clearer view. For those few moments, my thoughts shifted away from the discomfort. I relaxed and calmed down. Even started humming to some music.
When she returned and pushed the thing farther into my vagina, I felt nothing! After a short while, she did the procedure and told me everything was okay. I nearly jumped up and hugged her. Could have tipped her too, but it didn't seem like the right thing to do at a hospital. When I told her about my experiences, she quickly brushed it off and said, no, IUD checkups are never meant to be painful. Ha!
Do let me know of any other stereotypes, myths, misconceptions, worries, or anything you might want to ask or share with us. Meanwhile, feel free to check out our “How to Know if Your IUD is Out of Place and What to Do Next” article. Always here to give a listening ear and help out where I can!