Let's talk femicide. It's long overdue, I know. I think I've been too shocked to bring myself to write anything tangible. I've let the deaths of the women in Kenya wash over me. I've let these deaths sink in first. I feel no one will ever understand death because none of us has ever died. But we've lost someone we loved. Or have lost someone we used to know. And still, it's impossible to process it all.
I'm told people who grieve the loss of a loved one never truly stop grieving. It's an always constantly poking thought at the back of your mind that someone is truly gone for good and there's nothing you can do, no amount of tears you can cry that'll be enough to bring them back. I mean, I'm still processing femicide even now. How can someone take another's life, knowing the repercussions death brings on everyone who knows the victim?
Perhaps the repercussions aren't as dire for the murderer. That it's a crime like any other, that, and not to simplify femicide, it's something that can be as the time you stole your parent's money and received a beating for it, but years later, you go about your life paying no mind to your behaviour back then. Every one of us has done something bad. Think about it. So, do you go on thinking about that bad thing you did for the rest of your life? No. You push it as far back in your memory as you can to the point of forgetting it ever happened in the first place.
What if femicide works like that? For the murderer to commit such a heinous crime but, years later, continue to live life as if it never happened? And then there's the topic of serial killers. I tend to think you have to be a psychopath to consistently kill women without suffering some kind of punishment that makes it so you can barely keep on living.
Okay. Enough about women killers. Let's talk about men in general. Yes. Men in general. Sure. Not all of you have killed a woman. Not all of you have laid your hands on a woman. But I can guarantee that you have looked down on a woman somewhere in your life. It might be at work. It might be at home. You have treated a woman as "less than" and a man as "more than." No, really. Introspect.
If you have a sister, you know I'm right. "Does she think I'll do the dishes when she's there?" You have thought, "How dare she talk to me that way?" "How dare she question my judgement?" "How dare she not listen to me?" You've probably told her to be cautious of those boys out there. You're giving her good advice to protect herself. Or, what I suspect happens more often is you've shot down your friend who wants to go out with your sister.
"Not my sister," you say. "She's off-limits." And yes, I realize you're going to tell me all those things don't make you a femicide enabler. But see, I will ask you then what you have done to change things. What have you done to make sure your sister can live her life like you do? If you don't have a sister, you have a friend who's a girl, or more close to home, a girlfriend. What have you done to make sure when she goes out into the world, she's safe?
The problem is that men, in general, do nothing. I suspect it's because they think it's not their problem. Some men think that as long as "my people" are safe, the rest of the world can go up in flames. And I wonder what you will do when tomorrow morning, you pick up a call from home asking you if you remember that cousin of yours who used to work at the bank. That auntie of yours that you met when you were at a housewarming party for your uncle. "Remember her? She died. She was killed, rather. Her head was chopped off, actually. It's all so tragic."
And then you'll see your friend on Twitter replying to a post about femicide saying, "Aiii, kwani what was that girl doing walking home at night? Doesn't she know men are bad? Doesn't she care about herself? What was she doing at an Airbnb with a man? She should stop having sex for money!" And then you remember that just last weekend, you went to Nanyuki with a girl you met on Tinder and slept in an Airbnb but returned her home to her parents, safe and sound. And you think about telling your friend, "You're right. Girls are stupid." But you don't. You go home to bury your aunt. That's more important. Family is important. Okay. Okay. I'll stop with the analogies. Who cares about aunties anyway?
You haven't really lost anyone. You haven't really killed anyone. Hell, you will never raise your hand at a woman you love. But you scroll through Twitter and Instagram and watch everyone go back to back on femicide. You watch as people walk down the street yelling, "Stop killing women." But you decide to stay at your home and watch movies, do laundry, and sleep. Shame on you, I'll say. The next time a woman is killed, shame, shame on you for not speaking up against it.
And finally. On matters, "Men are being killed too." I'm sorry about that. Please create forums that speak up on violence against men. We will come to support you on those forums. In this article, however, on the topic of femicide, the message is clear. The message is simple. Stop killing women.