This one is told in parts. Self-discovery. Freedom. And healing. Each part has a collection of individual stories told by women of African descent living all across the world and identifying with wide-ranging sexualities, genders, tribes, races, etc. The stories here are so different yet similar in ways I've summarised down below.
1. The fact that sex is anything from painful, pleasurable, insightful, and much more.
Sex can bring you pain, all kinds of pain, just as much as it can bring joy. It can teach you things you didn't know about your body and erode things you already did know. It can turn out to be the most positive experience you can imagine, but it can still turn out to be the most negative. Sex doesn't just fit into a box. It cuts across everything that can be felt. Anything that can be physical and emotional. Anything you know to be true and false. It's always changing and never predictable, even if you take all the steps to ensure you get it right. Sex will still surprise you.
2. The fact that age is not just a number.
You'll read stories about children under age 5 engaging in sexual activity. Kids will kiss one another and touch each other's private parts and call it a game. But adults will also touch kids and call it a game. And kids will play along. And later in life, kids will remember or block out the memory. Either way, it'll scar them for life.
When you've grown up, you're a teenager now, you want to explore. You have raging hormones that push you to try things you never knew you would end up liking so much or hating. The discovery period of your sexual life begins here, and it never ends. Every sexual experience teaches you something new about your body (and yourself).
The more you grow, the more you understand what you like and who you like. You understand how you like to have sex. From what I gather, as you grow older, you either branch further out exploring all sex has to offer. Or, you don't branch at all, sticking to what you know and understand. Or, you stay away from sex altogether. Age matters. Age counts.
3. The fact that without healing, experiencing sex in a pleasurable way is nearly impossible.
There's a sexual frustration that the women in this book seem to have post a traumatic sexual event, often sexual abuse. A constant questioning of oneself. A self-doubt. An ever persistent gap that any number of sexual experiences can't seem to fill. A frustration that ends in recognizing the only way to make it go away is to heal first.
What lessons have you picked up from Sex Lives of African Women? I'd love to hear! I'll keep updating this article with validated responses I receive. Remember that these are strictly personal opinions shaped by the book.